Tuesday, April 14, 2009

My Fight against the Green-eyed Monster

At our ladies Bible study at church yesterday, we studied about what the Bible says on the issue of jealousy. I love this particular study because all women (I dare to say, all...) battle with this thing at some point in our lives. Some women may still be on the losing side of this particular struggle, but some women are already on the winning side.

All my life, I have warred against the green-eyed monster. Growing up, having the cutest, bubbliest and happiest baby sister on earth left me filled with envy in the corner. It felt like whatever I did won't measure up to what my little sister could do, as far as pleasing people was concern. I felt like nobody liked me. That wasn't the truth, of course. But that was what I exactly felt. I was jealous of her type A personality.

When I entered high school, I was 12 years old, I started getting jealous of my classmates and friends. Eventually, I had learned to lie. I became one big fat liar! It was my way of covering my struggle against jealousy. However, the more I lied the more miserable I became. I have always believed that I made God unhappy with my life every time I lie and that He would punish me. And I have always known that liars do not have a place in heaven. That truth made me feel so restless. I wanted to get out from my lying prison. I prayed many prayers with tears asking God for deliverance. I started hating it when I lied... I started to hate being jealous of others.

Something important happened when I was a junior. Our literature teacher had us memorize and recite "Desiderata" in front of our class. I worked hard on memorizing it... and I took it to heart. One of the paragraphs in the said poem goes...

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

I found myself quoting that particular paragraph over and over again when I'm alone. I still do now! That paragraph helped me got on my footings with strength to defeat my enemy- the green-eyed monster. However, the fight didn't end. It continued until I entered college. There were times when I lost, and times when I won the battle.

A youth pastor was sent by the Lord to mentor me spiritually when I was a freshman in college. His main job in my life was to show me and make me understand that I was wonderfully and fearfully created by God... that I am unique, special and different from others! That I was uniquely equipped with skills and talents to fulfill a special purpose in life. Most importantly, he showed me that my identity is found in nowhere but in who I am before my Creator, Savior and Lord! I loved being mentored by that pastor! He ushered me to the only Truth that completely delivered me from jealousy- the Word of God. I especially loved my study with him on the spiritual gifts where I discover not only "who I was" but also "who I was not."

Did my battle against the green-eyed monster end there? No. I am still battling against it? Yes. But, to God be all the glory, I am on the winning side! How? Every time Miss Envy comes to attack me, I remind her that she is powerless over me for the blood of the Lamb delivered me from all unrighteousness and has given me the power to live my life for Him- including recognizing and being thankful of my own blessings and... entering into the successes and blessings of others!


The Yothers said...

Good for you!

Gigie said...

te di tag uno mo yaon as for me? dili sa ko mhibawo yaon man sa tunga hehehe

placesandmemories said...

it always feels good when you're on a winning side.

jealousy, if it wins us, breaks relationships. for how can we have a genuine relationship with somebody we're jealous with?