People Pleasing

The modern culture has paved the way for a maximized people pleasing. Sadly enough, not many women realize that people pleasing brings debilitating repercussions. Those who basically made it a career suffer uncontrollable lying, unhappiness, envy and increasing discontentment that eventually lead to the big D, called Depression. People pleasing is like a cancer that slowly contaminates and eats up a woman's healthy system. Some women display it more obvious than others. Let's talk about how "others" do people pleasing.

"Others" had a party to go with a friend. They went shopping for party dresses. Her friend says, "I think this dress would be beautiful on me! What do you think?" "Others" replies, "Oh, absolutely!" but thinks the dress was ugly! Lying in its simplest form! One lie leads to another lie and another and another... Before you know it, you have already became one big fat liar.

We naturally love to be loved. Most women love simply because they want to be loved back. They work so hard to be noticed and praised. Fail to notice and praise them and you would be dealing with a crabby woman. We all want to be loved but it is entirely a different thing if that becomes our motivation to love others because it is called the other half of selfishness.

We have covered "Others" issue. Now I'll talk, wait... I mean write about those women who show people pleasing obviously. You'll know it when you go to profiles in Facebook, Hi5, Friendster, Blogger and other social network websites you will see long descriptions of themselves. They would write even the most bizzare poem to try to describe their personality. They would write all of their known (and out-of-this-world) past and present credentials and affiliations. The only message I get when reading these kinds of profiles is... "You've got to like me!"

Another form of sophisticated people pleasing is "Don't judge!". Many women today believe the idea that we are not suppose to judge. "Judge" as in identifying wrong from right. "Judge" as in to evaluate others and draw conclusions about them. Oh, I think I know where they got the idea, it's from Matthew 7:1. But I wish they would read the following verse because that would make a difference. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way as you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (NIV) Matthew 7:1-2. Another verse says, "Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment." (NIV) John 7:24 There is one common denominator here and that is that we judge only with righteous judgment. I think that this "don't judge" thing is a scape goat for women who do not want to offend others. These are women who are afraid to make a stand that homosexuality, gossipping, obsessive shopping, being attached to Oprah's shows, drunkenness, boastfullness, worldliness and etc. are wrong! They simply just don't want to make a stand because their reputation is at stake. Tolerance to sin has been increasingly permeated into the Christian community because of this don't-judge thing. It is sad!

When we seek to please others, we are focus on ourselves which is also called selfcenteredness. But when we seek to please God, we are focus on Him. Whose pleasure do we want to have, of God or of man? Pleasing God brings blessings. Pleasing man brings frustrations. Who are you seeking to please now?

Falling in Love with Hannah

I have been going through Beth Moore's 90 days study on David. This past couple weeks, I was reading the back story of David's life, way back to the story of the prophet who anointed him king. The story of Samuel. And the story of his mother, Hannah, who was known to be a drunkard.

Hannah wasn't a boozehound for no reason! In fact, she had all the right to be feeling so depressed to seek the comfort of alcohol (as if there is such a thing as that!). She was married to a preposterous man who thought he could be one with the two women he married. She was childless, which was one of the most disgraceful situations a woman in the middle east faced during that time. She was rediculed by her husband's number 2 wife for being barren. And the worst of it all, her husband was completely clueless of what she was going through.

Elkanah was a fool. For one, he married two women and thought it would be great. But who in the world can be "one flesh" with two persons?! When God saw that Adam was lonely, He made him Eve. He didn't make Eve and Sue. One husband for one wife. That's God's original design. More than one wife is way too crowded you can't breathe. One of the questions that I had a hard time answering before was, "Why did most of the Old Testament men marry more than one wife?" Well, God never intended them to marry more than one wife. Out of their hardheadiness they did what was not right before God. And because of that, they suffered. Hannah's hubby was caught in the middle of this turmoil- having a drunk wife and another wife who was very mean. Sadly enough, he didn't have an idea that it was his own doing that created this turmoil. In fact, he thought he was stopendous and that Hannah was some kind of a spoiled brat having tantrums for not having what she wanted. When he said, "Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?" He showed how half-witted he was. His sarcasm was not helping the situation to get better. Mocking his wife's grief was the most foolish thing a man could ever do to his wife. He had no idea how depressing it was for Hannah to be the center of redicule. He didn't know the loneliness a childless woman feels. He didn't know the feeling of being abandoned by God after praying for a very important thing for a long time.

Hannah finally found a great solution to end all of her troubles. Seek God. Pray like never before. Surrender to Him. Make an unbreakable vow! A vow that she fulfilled without a heavy heart. A vow that is regarded as stupidity in today's culture but might not be so in their time. A vow to give her child, if God would grant her prayer to have one, to serve Him all his life. This vow must have touched the heart of God. Or maybe it was the attitude of surrender in her heart toward God that made God grant her desire. God saw her heart and was pleased. Very pleased. Hannah had conceived a baby boy and she was praising God for the great blessing! Her neighbors and Elkanah's number 2 stopped picking on her. They began to dance with her except, maybe, for her husband's other wife. When she had baby Samuel, she devoted herself in nurturing him- nursing him for three years. That three years were so special for her. Because she knew that she had to give him to the temple, leaving him under the care of Eli when he was weaned. Three years of deep joy! Three years of feeling so complete! Three very short years of enjoying the sweet bond between a mother and a baby. Three years of teaching the baby to listen and respond when his name is called. Three years of teaching him to love God. That three years time flew so fast. It was time for her to bring him to the temple and leave him there.

I can't imagine how lonely she must have been while walking home from the temple. It must have been only by the grace of God that she was able to make it home. She fulfilled her vow to God even when it required her to be separated from her beloved son. With her separation anxiety came an unexplainable joy knowing that she was able to fulfill her vow. Like David, she must have said this also, "I will not offer anything that costs me nothing." It was the right thing for her to do. For granting her desire, an unprecedented love for God had grown in her heart. A child was everything for her but she knew that she didn't own him. God did.

Our children are given by God to us to love and nurture. Ultimately, they are His. As parents, we are His stewards. How we treat our children is a stewardship. One vital role we play is to form their hearts and minds into knowing that they are loved by our Heavenly Father and are accountable as to how they live and have their being to God. They need to understand this very truth before other people teach them to be godless.

Loving Ourselves

In her book, "Lies Women Believe...", Nancy Leigh De Moss addressed one of the lies that women today have been believing. She said that the world's prescription for those who are tortured by a sense of worthlessness is, "You need to love yourself." And that when Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, the point is not that we need to love ourselves so that we can love others. Jesus is saying we need to give others the same attention and care we naturally give ourselves.

Is not this true? I know I don't need to love myself more than I already do, for if I do, I would surely become so engrossed with myself. Eventually, I would grow into some sort of a power puff girl thinking that I am the center of the universe and everything in it and that I have the power to control people and circumstances. "I need to love myself" is a common line that we hear from people who have lost their sense of pride due to giving so much of themselves in order to manipulate and control others.

I agree with Nancy when she said that if we get a toothache, we immediately look for a way to identify the problem and get rid of it. If we did not love ourselves, we would ignore the pain. But when someone else has a toothache, it is easy to be indifferent to his need- that's his problem. We naturally love ourselves; we do not naturally love others.

It's a Comma not a Period!

One of my favorite verses is Psalm 30:5, which says, "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." I'm glad that I have memorized this verse many years ago. It has really helped me get through tough circumstances in my life trusting Jesus for a victory. I wanted to impose memorizing this verse to women who imprison themselves in hopelessness and despair. Those who think that the troubles they are in right now would never end. Regardless of how serious a problem they are battling at present- infidelity of a husband, memories of child abuse and physical affliction, every thing is a comma and not a period here on earth. We cannot let our circumstances drown us into the ocean of depression. What can hopelessness do to us but to make us ugly! Trust the Lord to bring you through your circumstances victoriously and make a beautiful woman in you.

A Victim of Circumstances?

While attending one of the parties that my Filipino group organized 6 months ago, I met another young Filipino lady who is also married to an American guy. We seemed to click with each other after our first conversation. Maybe because she professed to be a Christian. She and her husband started visiting us in our house. We would just eat, talk and have fun. As time went by, I began to notice the negative tone in her language. She would bad-mouth some of the people that I know in our Filipino group. It progressed to speaking ill about her own siblings- of how she was mistreated by all of them. She would use the most disgusting word to describe her very bad idea of these people. She would also complain just about anything- how she felt like being overworked in her job, her unplanned pregnancy, having a very irresponsible step-son and the list can go on. She blamed all these circumstances for her all-time depressed mood. Until one day, I couldn't take it anymore. I literally told her to stop! We had an emotional conversation and I thought I lost her for good. We didn't talk for a couple months. Recently, we bumped into each other at a common friend's house. She hugged me. She smiled. Her aura has drastically changed. I saw happiness painted on her eyes. She said, "thank you for being my friend."

Many women today think that if their circumstances were different, they would be different. They feel that if their upbringing, their environment, the people around them were different, they would be more patient, more loving, more content and easier to live with. But this is not true. If it is, then we are victims. If we are victims, then we are not responsible- we can't help the way we are. But we are responsible! Responsible for our own responses to the circumstances. The truth is our circumstances do not make us what we are. They merely reveal what we are. Thank God for giving us these circumstances for by them we will know how we need to be changed by His grace.

Extremely Busy!

I've read that the average woman today has the equivalent of fifty full-time servants, in the modern, time saving devices and equipment. Isn't that amazing? I tried picturing myself back to the days when there were no washing machines, dryers, microwaves, vacuum cleaners and dishwashers. I simply couldn't imagine myself in it. I am more thankful to God that I live in this generation. But that's not really what I want to point out here. What I've been thinking is how many women of today could say that they don't have time to do everything they're supposed to do. Statements like "I'm so busy!", "We've got so much going on in our family!", "I just can't keep up with everything I've got to do!" and "I'm exhausted!" are disturbing to me. It seems like women try to do every thing under the sun. Part of the reason why a lot of women do this is to fit in today's crazy culture. The world today salutes women who do so many things including those that are inherent to men. Well, I don't buy it. I don't want to be so stressed out and eventually resort to depression pills. I want to be happy in the Lord! Here's how... follow Jesus' example. John 17:4 says, "I have glorified thee on earth; I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do..." There you go I am not going to follow the world's "to do" list for me. I simply cannot meet with every person who wants an appointment, call every person who wants to talk, counsel with every person who had a need, tackle every project that people think I would be good at, read all the books I'd like to read, do scrap-booking because it's hip among ladies, blog unnecessarily, party like there's no tomorrow, spend the kind of time I'd like to spend with my friends and keep every room in my house presentable for guests who drop in. It's just not physically possible for me. My goal is to have time only to do everything that is on God's "to do" list for me in a certain period of time. And right now it is loving and serving my husband and raising a godly daughter.

Helper

I wrote about role reversal yesterday and I thought I would do a follow-up of it today. You know how we, wives, sometimes if not most of the time, think that our husbands should help us with the chores at home. We feel like our husbands have an equal obligation as we have in doing the household chores. In the same way, we feel that we have an equal obligation in meeting the financial needs of our families. So much equality issue has been placed between a man and a woman over the years . Feminism has been the source of this confusion.

God made the woman for the main purpose of providing the man a helper. Not the other way around. It is definitely not wrong for a husband to help at home but he is not obligated to do so. In the same way, the wife is not obligated to help with bringing in money to their home. Troubles come when they confuse these roles. The result, homes are producing emasculated husbands and super busy moms. Who suffers? Everybody! Especially the kids, who end up raised by baby sitters instead of their own mothers.