I was looking into the files in my old laptop and found this. This was my note when I was asked to speak for a few minutes on a Wednesday night at our previous church. I am inspired again!

Joseph was relentless

 One of the definitions of the word “relentless” is “being unyielding”. As far as being “unyielding”, Joseph is one of the most relentless personalities in the Bible. His being relentless was evident early on the chapter when he was first introduced in Genesis 37. He was working with his brothers as shepherds and at the end of the day, he would go home telling his father, Jacob, all the wickedness that his brothers did in the field. It is very obvious that Joseph could not stand any form of wickedness.

As we all know, he ended up as a slave in Potiphar’s house in Egypt. Once again, he had shown his being relentless as he was being tempted by Potiphar’s wife. In Genesis 39: 10, Joseph said “…how then can I do this great wickedness against God?” And on the second attempt of Potiphar’s wife to tempt him, Genesis 39: 12 and 13 says that Joseph fled!

 He couldn’t stand betrayal. He would never betray his master and most of all he would never choose to sin against God.

Another occasion when Joseph showed his relentless life was when he was summoned by the Pharaoh to interpret his dreams. He was relentless in that he was brave enough to tell the Pharaoh and his people that it wasn’t him who could interpret dreams but the Lord God. He wasn’t trying to be “the man!” He wasn’t ashamed of God in front of these heathen Egyptians.

God looked at his relentless character and knew he could be trusted with a bigger responsibility and bigger blessings!

Background that led him to being relentless

-          Looking back into Joseph’s ancestry, we will find repeated cases of betrayal. Jacob, Joseph’s father betrayed his father Isaac when he pretended to be Esau, his older twin brother, to get his blessings that were meant for Esau. In turn, Jacob was also betrayed by his father-in-law, Laban, when the later gave him Leah instead of Rachel for a wife. Jacob knew and suffered the consequences of his dishonesty. So, Jacob who loved Joseph more than he loved his other sons, must have spent a lot of time teaching Joseph about the fear of God and the serious consequences of sin. Jacob made sure that Joseph would live a different life- a relentlessly honest life especially before God.

We, too, can become as relentless as Joseph!

-          We might not have a calling as great as that of Joseph’s, but we face the same challenges and temptations in life as him. Today, we are bombarded by all kinds of wickedness around us every day: dishonesty, materialism, sexual immorality and so on and so forth. But like Joseph, we can live a relentlessly honest life. We can say, “no!” and flee from sin. We are more than able to do this because we have the Holy Ghost living in us. The Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:9, “But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you...” 

Organic Dark Chocolate Almond Butter

I've been really enjoying the recipes I found at ohsheglows.com. The blogger is a vegan. I'm not, but I think her recipes are super nutritious and delicious. Here's one of my favorites...

Ingredients:

• 2 cups raw almonds
• 1/2 cup dark chocolate (I used organic dark chocolate chips)
• 1 tsp coconut oil (another oil may work too)
• 1/8th-1/4 tsp kosher salt, to taste

Directions: Place 2 cups of raw, whole almonds into a food processor. Process for about 15 minutes, scraping down the sides of the bowl every minute or as necessary. It is a long process, but you don’t want to stop until you have released all the oils in the almonds and the mixture is very smooth and buttery! This took me a good 14-15 minutes.

Just before your almond butter is ready, add the 1/2 cup chocolate chips and 1 tsp of coconut oil to a small pot. Melt on low. You want to remove the pot from heat when there are still some chocolate chip clumps remaining. Don’t worry they will melt as you stir the mixture. I always take it off the heat a bit early to avoid burning the chocolate.

Add the melted chocolate to the almond butter (still in the processor) and process for a couple minutes, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. Add your kosher salt to taste and process more. Scoop into a container and store in the fridge. Makes 1 & 1/4 cups, 20 one-tbsp servings, or enough to fill a 250 ml jar. Refrigerate. Note that the almond butter firms up in the fridge. Allow it to sit at room temperature to soften before using.

Why Do We Homeschool Our Children?

Oh, well, why not? Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie do. The cool dude Tim Tebow (football icon) and Taylor Swift (what is she famous for, again?) were home-schooled! Oh, wait, Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Edison were also home-schooled! A few US presidents were home-schooled like Wilson Woodrow! ***wink wink***

Kidding aside, here is a few reasons why we think home schooling is the best education option for our children. I hope that family and friends will find this post helpful. But first let us look at the definition of the word "education". According to Noah Webster, the man who is called "The Father of American Christian Education" and "The Father of Copyright Legislation of America" and the author of the 1828 Dictionary, Education is "The bringing up, as of a child, instruction; formation of manners. education comprehends all that series of instruction and discipline which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and fit them for usefulness in their future stations. To give children a good education in manners, arts and science, is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable; and an immense responsibility rests on parents and guardians who neglect these duties." 

Let us also look at the history of home schooling a little bit. Did you know that it is actually not a new fad in American culture? It's history can be traced to the founding fathers of America. In fact, most of them, if not all, were home-schooled. Can you imagine that during the time when education was primarily handled by parents and church, then tutors and apprenticeships for specialized skills, the founding fathers- the greatest group of men of character and reasoning of all time were produced! Another stunning fact is that the literary level in America was the highest than it’s ever been – virtually 100%!

Okay, so now our personal reasons for homeschooling...

1. Family time- 
Days when our children are little and dependent on us are numbered. Time flies! Before we know it, they are gone. Homeschooling gives us control over our daily schedule. We can be together during our children's best hours, which I also call "learning hours". As opposed to trying to be a happy family when kids are tired, grumpy and stressed out from school... plus, their painful anticipation of doing a truckload of homework.

I went to public schools and so I do know how it is to be away from my parents for at least 6 hours a day. By the time I got home, I was so ready to have a good bonding and interaction time with my parents, but of course, there were "other" activities... like Girls Scouts, Children Bible study, play dates with friends and homework. I found myself with "other" people again. When I finally got to see my parents, I would be too tired to even want to talk to them. At the end of a regular school day (that's 5 days a week), I spent very little (or none) of quality time with my parents. At least though, I slept with them, so when we were sleeping I felt them so near me. That was my bonding moment with them. As a child, it was such a big thing to me that I was near my parents. It gave me a feeling of being safe. Studies show that feeling safe does wonders for a person’s self-image and for their relationships.

In addition, because we control our children's schedule, we can go on vacation anytime we want and guess what, we bring their school with them. We can be a family even on school days!

2. Curriculum control- 
We have the freedom to choose our own curriculum from countless available materials! Our children will not be forced to study for over a decade subjects that they may not have aptitude or use for. We choose our own methodology (with carefulness) according to what we believe well suited to their personalities. We are not time-bound. We do not force our children to complete a certain project or exercise at a specific time-frame. They move on their phase and usually, faster than the public schooled kids because they get one-on-one instruction. There won't be any report cards that tell them how big of a winner or a loser they are. There's no comparing how fast or slow learners they are. 

3. No Homework-

Homework obviously choke up our children's time that is supposed to be spent on things that they like... time that they can use to put their creative mind and hands to work, unorganized and unsupervised. Time for them to discover their own interests, skills and calling. Homeschooling is making this time all available for their young minds. Did you know that when Bill Gates and Steve Jobs quitted school, they were able to start getting creative? And we know what happened to their creations!

4. Real-life socialization-

We want our children to experience the real-life socialization. We choose who our children socialize with. Sticking our children in a class of 10-40 for many hours a day, regardless of whether they have anything in common outside of age is subtly destructive to them. It would be easy for them to pick up habits and ideologies that we, parents, would never want them to learn. Any child psychologist will approve of me saying that there is something called "forming years" in life. It is important who our children spend chunks of time with during their forming years. Because at this time, they are particularly like sponges! Prevention is better than cure.

The issue of socialization always comes up when homeschooling is mentioned. People forget that we don't become social because we are constantly in a crowd. Being social is a by-product of family dynamics, personality and a little bit of training. Peers are in no way the best trainer in this area. The parents are! We, homeschooling parents, ensure that our children get social interaction and not only that but we have the opportunity to pick and monitor their social contacts. I actually smile when people ask me, "So, how do your children socialize?" We have neighbors. We have a church. We go shopping. We go to the park. We have play dates. We have parties to go. We go on trips. Sports. Dance classes. Homeschool coops. There are countless of avenues to meet with people. Ironically, I have seen so many socially awkward kids in public schools. I was one of them. My husband admits he was also one of them.

5. Bible and Character building-
Sadly, Bible is not part of the public school curriculum. If we seriously desire to raise up strong godly Christian children, we don't leave the solid teaching of the Bible in the hands of the church through Sunday School. I'm not talking about daily devotions either. This is a Bible study. This is a journey of knowing God, His power and His ways. Do you think we can still teach our children the Bible when they get home from school. They will be tired and they will have homework to do. Also, what does the public school say about the Bible, creationism, prayer and being a Christian? Go figure. My husband and I felt like we were a misfit at school for being followers of Jesus Christ. Such a struggle that we had to overcome. And at times, we wished we were not Christians so we could fit in. I'm not saying that we Christians should not mingle with those who are not. What I'm saying is that we are intentionally putting our young kids on a difficult spot of feeling they don't belong. Wait for the time when they are old and strong enough, well-founded to defend their faith and are fine living lives that are different than that of the world. They can only be the light in the dark public school when they know and are well-founded in the Light. Every thing is beautiful in its time. Do we send an army of young boys and girls with no military training to the war zone in Iraq and Afganistan? No. So why do we expect our little cutie pies to fight for their faith in a spiritually dark world without their mommies and daddies holding their hands?

Character building is one of the major reasons why we homeschool. That our children become men and women of character is every Christian parents' sincere prayer. Unfortunately, this not a priority of the public school.

6. Safety-

We lock our doors and close our windows at home. Don't we? We are even willing to go far as installing alarm system in our homes to make sure our family is safe, especially the little ones. Oh, and how about keeping a gun at home to help us defend our children from their attackers? So then why send the little ones to live with strangers for 6 hours a day? 

Yes, we do shelter our children from the real world… because the real world is full of bullies and will teach them how to become one. The real world will indoctrinate them the worldly ideology and if lucky they will become pluralistic. Some part of the real world will be invaded by shooters and abusers. The real world will teach them that everything in life is a competition and losers don't have a spot in it. The real world will show them overrated sensuality. The real world will turn the children's lives up side down. What if your child is one of the weak? During their forming years, when they are young and vulnerable, we shelter them from this kind of world because we are their parents and that's our calling and responsibility. Until they are old and strong enough to independently shelter their own selves, WE, THE PARENTS, SHELTER THEM.

8. Cost- 
It is much cheaper to homeschool than sending my children to private schools, which is just a little upgrade of the public school. Here's another word from Noah Webster, "“The general institution of schools in this country is full proof that ...people never misapply their economy so much, as when they make a provision for the education of children.” 

9. Priority-

My children are my priority! Before I chase my dreams for myself... to make a difference in the world, I want to make a difference in my children's lives first. My children first! They are my priority. I feel like it would be hypocritical of me to teach other people's children (because I am a teacher) or be useful in other fields... to conquer the world and earn tons of money but leave my own children in the hands of strangers. It's not easy to have my profession/career (outside home) put on hold. But I feel like it is a "sweet surrender" for  me. Laying down my personal dreams because my children are so worth it! This is how I show how much I love them. 

I honestly can come up with more reasons, but this is all for now.  See you later...

"My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they [shall be] an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck." Proverbs 1:8-9

Stress-free

Oftentimes, as women we get so stressed out by expecting too much from our ourselves and beyond what we can handle. Most stresses in life can sure be avoided. We need to surround ourselves with honest, loving and godly friends. Also, we need to give ourselves a time to be vulnerable. 


Sometimes, we lose our true friends because we show ourselves to be self-sufficient... and that we don't need anybody. Yes, we do! There is a need for every woman to show vulnerability, so the grace of God and the love from people flow in to strengthen us. This is something that the Lord had to deal with me over the years. I was a proud and a very self-sufficient woman. I had the "girl power" thing! But the Lord had to "demolish" that girl power thing. True freedom and blessings came when I finally surrender it and admit my vulnerability. I had to strip off my "super woman" mask and showed who I really am... a person needing God's grace and people's love. It is the key for my very successful marriage, the first step for my becoming a wife who submits herself to my husband and a mother who doesn't hesitate to show tears to her daughter and explains why. I am no longer afraid of showing my vulnerability because I am free. I do not need to perform to be hailed as a great woman. I do not need it. And the more I grow in this area, I have developed great friendships. Friends that would die for me, if needed, including a husband.

Parenting

Okay, so we all have girl friends who are close to us. Some of them become as close as our own sisters. What do you feel when your very close girl friend basically "parent" your child in front of you? I would feel uncomfortable. In fact, very uncomfortable!

See, I'm not a perfect person but I don't do that. I don't teach/correct/instruct/rebuke a child in front of his/her mom or dad... yes, if the parents didn't ask me. Simple... it's not right. Doing that is putting the parents in an "embarrassing" hot zone. In other words, it's rude.

In my FB today

Me As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. Proverbs 11:22
19 minutes ago · Comment · Like


Marcia Martens
Funny you posted this, a friend of mine did just a few days ago asking for interpretation of it. So how do you interpret this verse?
18 minutes ago · Delete

Me
What at coincidence! Anyway, I am listening to my audio Bible and I was tickled when this was narrated. I think it's a funny picture. Anyway, pigs were considered unclean animals in the old testament and even with a gold ring on its nose, they still stink. Similarly, nice expensive clothes, jewelry and make up won't cover a wicked woman's heart. No... Read More beautification regimen can cover a stinky heart attitude. No social grace in this world can replace the beauty of the wisdom in a woman who fears and love the Lord... one whose heart is redeemed and surrendered to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
2 minutes ago · Delete

Subsistence Living

No doubt Beth Moore is one of the excellent Apologetic teachers today. I had really enjoyed her devotional study called, A Heart Like His, when I did it some 5 years ago. Presently, I am learning so much from her 90 Days study of David. The pursuit to have a heart like God's has never ceased burning in me. The intensity of this fire may seem to fluctuate but it has never been quenched. David is one of my very favorite characters in the Bible. It is such a blessing to get a thorough study of his life from Beth Moore.

On our Ladies Bible study at church this week, we had one of Beth Moore's Extraordinary Women DVD's. The heart of her topic on that particular episode was on satisfaction. Here are the points she gave out that really spoke to my heart...

1. We are born needy people. We need food, clothing, shelter and etc.. We need to be loved and affirmed. Since we are born for satisfaction, we are going to look for something to satisfy us.

2. Psalm 6:5 shows that God can satisfy us. In fact, He is the only one who can give us real satisfaction.

3. So many women today settle on subsistence living. Subsistence living is the state of being supported through alms or remaining alive with a minimum of essentials.
They live with an empty cup in their hands and they go to people around them asking for alms of affirmation and love. And when the people they expect to give them what they need fail, they get so broken, helpless and frustrated... blaming the world for their emptiness.

This is so true! It is so easy to expect our husbands, children, parents, other family members and friends to fill our needs. We tend to perform and show off so that we get praised. Some tend to appear pitiful to get extra attention from others. The problem is that the more we expect and demand affirmation and love from others, the more frustrated we get.

4. Until we find satisfaction in Christ, we will wear others out with our needs.

5. We need to default coming to Christ every day with our empty cup and ask Him to fill us with His unfailing love. Only His is a love that never ever fails. In doing so, we won't live like beggars.

P.M. Sing

I was fortunate I didn't really suffer P.M.S cramps since I started having my period in high school until before I had my daughter. The only thing I would feel during those times were extraordinary sleepiness. I would just sleep whenever I could and I was fine. I still feel that now. And cry. Or laugh. I don't know... for some reason, I become extremely sentimental or happy when I am P.M.Sing. Crabby? Well, I get crabby when I am starving. That's another story.

Someone I know gets super depressed when she was P.M.Sing. When I was with her, it was so difficult for me to get along with her. She wouldn't smile or talk... the worst thing was that she would stare at me like she was mad at me. I, of course, didn't understand her extreme mood swings. It was hard because she was the sweetest kind of person... she was very fun too. But when she is P.M.Sing she seemed to be a different person. Being that I didn't have issues other than sleepiness on my time of the month, it took me a while to understand her and to be a support to her rather than be offended. When I said this, I do not mean to say that I support her mood swings and that it is okay to be mean or depressed during this particular time. Because it is not okay...

When I am hungry or when I am craving for a certain food, I can get really grouchy... the target of it is usually my husband. I try to have "emergency food" in my purse. It is my effort to keep me sane during "hungry" times. I hate being crabby. I hate showing it to my husband. It is plain childishness. I want to mature. I want to be a blessing to my husband and to those around me. It is not okay to be crabby in front of my husband or others. When I am grumpy, I don't show the light of Jesus. This is not to say that I am just gonna hide the real me... my real feelings and etc.. But this is to say that the fruit of the Spirit called, self-control needs to manifest during this particular time. I strive to show positive attitude not only around others but also when I am alone... and this is very possible through the help of the Holy Spirit.

It is never my goal to make Paul and others tiptoe around me because they know that at certain times I am crabby. When accidentally I show my grouchiness in front of him and others, I have a responsibility to apologize for my behavior and not justify my action. I do not want people to say, "I understand. I know you are P.M.S.ing." No! P.M.S. (or hunger in my case), is never a justification to act childish... and there's never a legitimate reason to be childish. Is there? Again, I remind myself that my response (to any circumstances) is my responsibility.

Here are a few verses I like...

A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. Proverbs 9:13

[It is] better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Proverbs 21:9

[It is] better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. Proverbs 21:9

Mary, Mary...

For some reason, I could smell something fishy in most of the nursery rhymes. Somebody gave my daughter a huge Mother Goose nursery rhymes book when she was just born. But I have only read it to my little girl once or twice. I really didn't like the rhymes there. Some of them just don't make sense at all. Here is one example...

Rock-a-bye, baby,
In the tree top:
When the wind blows,
The cradle will rock;
When the bough breaks,
The cradle will fall;
Down will come baby,
Cradle and all.

Why would I want my little girl to memorize that rhyme? Sounds awful to me. Imagine the baby falling to the ground?

I just learned that most nursery rhymes were actually created to criticize the royal family and the government in England long time ago. It was the people's way of expressing their complain of the corrupt ways of the government. Another example is...

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row.


The rhyme actually talks about Queen Mary's morbid ways. The garden was colloquialism of the graveyard where all of those tortured for disobeying her wishes were buried. Silver bells and cockle shells were colloquial of the instruments used to torture and kill the people. Abominable!

My husband mentioned to me before that the Foxe's Book of the Martyrs records the origin of the drink called, Bloody Mary. He said that its roots is traced way back during Queen Mary's reign. She was such a Catholic fanatic that she ordered all those who didn't believe in infant baptism to be tortured to death. There were, of course, people who didn't believe in it and most of them suffered and died. It is very sad.

Anyway, in our ladies Bible study at church last week, we were studying about how many of us, women, are like "Mary, Mary... quite contrary". We look so perfectly positive on the outside but deep inside us are jealousy, unforgiving spirit, hatred, pride, love of money, power and control, materialism, love for pleasures rather than love for God, selfishness, and etc.. The Bible says, "Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away." (2 Timothy 3:5)

Lord, help us to live a life that is pleasing to you. Search our hearts and forgive us of our contrary attitudes. Cleanse us from all unrighteousness and help us bear the fruit of the Spirit. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen.

Opinion, Opinion!

What's wrong with being opinionated? We have a freedom of speech! And that said right doesn't only apply to males! Plus, we, women are naturally verbal! Yes, yes, yes... but don't you know that we also have a right called, "right to remain silent"?

While it is true that this modern world we are living in applauds a woman who is dressed with confidence in expressing herself through her opinions, it is also true that this kind of a woman doesn't necessarily agree with what God calls beautiful.

A bloviating woman is obnoxious. Who would be happy around a blabbermouth? And who would not feel trampled down around an opinionated woman? Expressing opinions is not wrong. What makes it wrong is when you do it to draw attention to yourself or to raise yourself above others. In other words, pride and selfishness! The Bible warns us that pride precedes destruction.

I speak from experience. I admit I have a tendency of using my opinions to lift myself above others. But thanks be to Christ who doesn't cease His work of perfecting me into His likeness by correcting, teaching and rebuking me through His Word. Now, every time I air my opinions, I ask myself this question first, "Is my opinion for the good of others? Is it pleasing to God?" If the answer is "no" I try to keep it to myself. Otherwise, I would be blowing my own trumpet.

I love this verse...

Matthew 6:2 says, " Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward."

Back to opinions... this is what I have learned in life... when we are young and we know only a little about life we love to have so many opinions and we can't stop talking about them. But when we mature and know so much about life we tend to get quieter.

My Response

Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in Nancy Leigh Demoss' radio talk show said, "Our response is our responsibility." How true! It is so easy for most of us to quickly put the blame on the other person when we feel offended. But, really, what the "other person" actually does is revealing the "reality" of our heart's condition.

When we are offended, we don't waste time to justify ourselves and our natural man quickly suggests we hit back. We think of ways we can get even. Our carnal mind is cunning. It is so good at forming creative weapon to retaliate. Oftentimes, this weapon is so creative that it would look like it is culturally and politically correct. But the mind that is constantly surrendered to the lordship of Jesus Christ functions on a different perspective. It says, "Ouch! That hurts. Does it hurt because it's true? I better do some self-examination." Instead of, "Ouch! That hurts. Here comes my vengeance!"

We are not responsible for the sin of others. What we are responsible for is our own actions. When someone wrongly accuses us, we won't get disciplined or punished for that person's sin. But we will get punished if we hit that person back out of anger or as a way of vengeance. We will certainly know the condition of our heart, whether it is meek or proud, through our response to a "challenging" circumstance.

It is important that whatever circumstances we are facing, we have to make up our mind, through the help of the Holy Spirit, to respond on a way that we know we are making God feel proud of us!

Meekness

I keep getting this word "meekness" in my brain these days. I think because I get tired watching women around me over-active, over-committed, over-talkative, and overwhelmed. Let's face it I am in a culture where everyone is just busy... and if they are not busy, they post this on Facebook, "I am bored!" In the cyberworld, I see many women busy bragging about what they are and what they have... busy talking about what my hubby calls, "trivial"... busy playing... busy airing their opinion in just about anything... busy becoming opinionated... busy justifying themselves... busy defending their rights... busy, busy, busy! I can not exclude myself from these women because at some point I fell into this obnoxiousness until God's Word rebuked me! Well, only on the area of being opinionated (to be fair with myself :0).

Listening to Nancy Leigh Demoss and Paul Washer describe a beautiful woman has inspired me more to cultivate a meek and quiet spirit in my life. I love to bask in the peace that comes with having a meek spirit!

What is meekness?

1. It is the opposite of the spirit that makes you show off your opinions on everything!

2. It causes wives to submit to their own husbands... it's the opposite of the spirit that makes a wife/mother nag endlessly!

3. It is the opposite of a manipulative spirit.

4. It's the ability to be quiet and wait.

5. It is the teachable spirit.

6. I think it is also waiting for people to praise you and not your own mouth!

I love this following verses...

1 Peter 3:3-4 "Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

Reconciliation

If you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God. Matthew 5:23-24 (CEV)

Reconciliation is one of the most important words in my life. Once it dawns me that someone has something against me, it's hard for me to focus on what I am doing. I get so distracted by the thought that a person is not happy with me- by the way I act or say. It even progresses to tormenting my mind. Okay, I know it's also because of my issue with people pleasing. But, honestly, I also know it's part of me wanting to love others.

I am most hurt by those I love! I'm sure all will say the same. The torturing knowledge that a loved-one is angry with me can for sure paralyze my prayer life. It's hard to pray... hard to worship God in this condition. I desire for quick reconciliation, which is impossible at times because not everyone desires the same.

Most of the time, I initiate reconciliation. When the other person shuts me off... I cry. It hurts me. I want people to tell me what I've done wrong. I want to apologize. I want to heal broken relationship. I want to leave people alone if their reason for shutting me off is that they simply do not want me to be around them and to be friendly with them. I will cry for rejection but then I will be happy they were honest with me and I can start to move on!

Anyway, here are steps to work through to find possible reconciliation that I've learned.

1. Write or think of reasons for the estrangement.
2. Think through your motive for wanting reconciliation. God's motive is love.
3. Pray for this person to experience God's blessings.
4. Pray for yourself, for the power of the Holy Spirit to do what you must.
5. Start the process of letting go the hurt and anger.
6. Think through whether you can trust again, become vulnerable again, in order to grow an change.
7. Seek to forgive no matter who is most to blame in your opinion.
8. Shoulder your part of responsibility.
9. Swallow your pride, say, "I'm sorry."
10. Follow-up with acts of kindness and striving to restore trust.

If the other person refuses to go the distance with you, bless and let her go.

We should not think that we are fine praying or worshiping God when we don't make an effort to be reconciled with those we know are angry at us. There is no blessing whatsoever when we say, "She is ignoring me, she must be jealous of me because I have not done anything wrong!" We are all imperfect, we offend others unintentionally and intentionally... in both cases, we are to live a life of an ambassador of reconciliation... all for the GLORY OF GOD!

Love and Fear

Love is focused on others. It is not self-centered. It reaches out to others... sees other people's needs and willingly extend a hand. Fear is focused on protecting oneself. Because of this, most women who has this unhealthy kind of fear talk more about themselves, what they have and are.

Love thinks no evil. Fear broods over potential evils.

Love focuses on the present. Thankful and contented of the blessings today. Fear frets over the future.

Love moves us toward involvement with others. Fear forces us into withdrawal and isolation from others.

Love is based on fact and on faith. Fear is based on emotion

Love is the highest expression of our humanness and Christlikeness. Fear is a base, instinctive reaction that we have in common with the animals.

Love is a mark of a Christian who trusts God. Fear is a mark of doubt and lack of faith in God.

Let's pray that God perfects us in love for this is a powerful antidote to the toxin of unhealthy fear.

Mama Merie

For Mother's Day this year, I bought Mama a flowery blue silky dress. She is one who is much into dresses, so I am positive she will love it when she gets the box I am sending her this month. I also made her a photo book of the pictures from that day we celebrated her 50th Wedding Anniversary to Papa. On the last page of that book, I wrote a personal note. I might as well share that note here since I talked about it...

Ma, there are so many women in this world who look and act noble but you are the best of them all! A businesswoman, Bible teacher, philanthropist (as you cared for those homeless tribal kids), excellent wife and praiseworthy mother!

You have always been an excellent wife to Papa! I am a living witness how you served him with all of your strength and heart. I've seen how you gave up yourself for him. There might be times in the past that you disagreed with his ideas but you always ended up following his leadership... and that is wonderful! It shows how pro-active a woman you are. I love your sweetness to Papa. It is very cute to see you kiss his cheeks and not blushed about it.

As a mother, you have displayed your strong love to your children by working so hard just to earn the resources we needed to get our college education. We owe our education to you! I remember you would wake up very early in countless mornings to make breakfast for us and to prepare your (whatever) goods to sell. It looked like you didn't care how exhausted you were from selling your goods all day long, you came home with a smile and made dinner for your family. You washed your entire family's clothes by hand... you even ironed our school uniforms! Where did you get the strength to do so many things with only two hands? Where did your laughter come from after those days of total labor? I am amazed! See, I am now a wife and a mother and I have all kinds of appliances at home to supposedly do things for me, but I sometimes forget to smile and laugh being tired from doing the household chores! Ma, what an inspiration you always are to me! Thank you for your hard work and devotion to take care of us growing up. Thank you that you were always home when we arrived from school. Thank you for making me and my sister dresses that made us look like twins, even though I am 2 years older than her. That was pure cute! Thank you for your hugs and kisses...*sobs* even when we thought we were too big and grown up for them, we still got them from you.

I must also thank you for asking me so many questions (I felt like I was on an interrogation stand ;)when I got home later than you expected me to be home. It really helped protect me! Thank you for giving me your (unsolicited) criticisms about my suitors when I was in college. When my heart broke for the very first time, you were there to comfort me and tried to make me feel better by airing your disgust about my heart-breaker. Funny how I didn't think you were right about your poor ideas of my crushes... because I can see them clearly now. They were way far from my guy now, who I married close to four years ago. Yes, you were right... you were right... you were right!!! It pays to wait!

I just love your wisdom, endurance and inner strength to live a full life even after you lost your first four children. It's a situation way too impossible for me to imagine. It had to be God! It had to be the Almighty God who made it possible for you to live a life of joy, love and contentment after such a traumatic experience as deaths of your own children. You are a woman of strength, indeed! And it's only because of your wholly surrendered life to Jesus.

Most of all, I want to thank you for teaching us the most important thing in this world... to be right with God at all times! This is the best of all memorials you have given us. I never forget to start and end my day with prayer and meditation of God's Word because you and Papa had planted that truth in my life! The busyness in this world has tried to uproot it from my life but it has not been very successful because it's was planted right and has grown into a big tree. Thank you for pinching my side every time I refused to wake up at 4 am for our family devotion! Thank you for posting all kinds of Bible verses around our house and printing them on cards for us to memorize every morning when we gathered for breakfast! How wise a woman you are! You knew we needed to be filled with the Word of God rather than with what the world could offer us.

Ma, I love you!

All About Eve

I'm generally not sort of a fanatical person, except of course about God and the Bible. I can freely say that I don't have a burning desire to watch any shows on TV. I watch it only for the news and a very few Christian shows. I try not to be hooked to that idiot box. In fact, when our Samsung plasma television blew up, I wasn't really affected except for the fact that it was expensive when we bought it almost 2 years ago. And I enjoy home without a television more. I do watch a little TV with my little girl in our basement for her Veggie Tales movies from time to time. Anyway, it's just that, one day, it dawned on me that I was beginning to be so disgusted with how corrupt most TV shows have become. The Filipino channels have not been really careful as to what they show to very young audiences. I found it especially appalling that afternoon variety shows are showing dancers dressed in a very skimpy attires and rendering sensual dances. It's icky to me! I asked my husband to stop our subscription to TFC for that reason.

Ooops... I wasn't really planning to write about TV shows... anyway...

These past few months, I have discovered that I could actually watch some Filipino shows in the internet and choose the shows that I only want to see. I got curious and checked it out. I found this soap called All About Eve. I got interested because Sunshine Dizon and Iza Calzado are the main actors. I just think both of them have an excellent acting prowess. Three weeks ago, I started watching the said soap to find out how the two actors do. However, I eventually got drawn to its story... especially that this time I am working on my Bible study on Managing our Moods by the Women of Faith. The said soap is showing a lot of the drama revolving the moods and desires of women. Last week, we studied on jealousy, and that particular subject is surrounding the story of the soap I've been watching.

All About Eve shows how jealousy can be the starting point of all evil thoughts and deeds that corrupt an envious woman. Jealousy destroys! It wrecks relationships and other people... and it wrecks it's own slave! The jealous young woman character in the soap, Erica, played by Sunshine Dizon is supposedly a combo of beauty and brains but her jealous heart reconstructed her into a very ugly person. It says a lot about how a shimmering supple skin, nice expensive make up, perfect body figure and sharp brain do not have the power to cover the ugliness of the heart.

Thanking God for his power to live a life on the winning side of the battle against the green-eyed monster!!! Praising HIM!!!

My Fight against the Green-eyed Monster

At our ladies Bible study at church yesterday, we studied about what the Bible says on the issue of jealousy. I love this particular study because all women (I dare to say, all...) battle with this thing at some point in our lives. Some women may still be on the losing side of this particular struggle, but some women are already on the winning side.

All my life, I have warred against the green-eyed monster. Growing up, having the cutest, bubbliest and happiest baby sister on earth left me filled with envy in the corner. It felt like whatever I did won't measure up to what my little sister could do, as far as pleasing people was concern. I felt like nobody liked me. That wasn't the truth, of course. But that was what I exactly felt. I was jealous of her type A personality.

When I entered high school, I was 12 years old, I started getting jealous of my classmates and friends. Eventually, I had learned to lie. I became one big fat liar! It was my way of covering my struggle against jealousy. However, the more I lied the more miserable I became. I have always believed that I made God unhappy with my life every time I lie and that He would punish me. And I have always known that liars do not have a place in heaven. That truth made me feel so restless. I wanted to get out from my lying prison. I prayed many prayers with tears asking God for deliverance. I started hating it when I lied... I started to hate being jealous of others.

Something important happened when I was a junior. Our literature teacher had us memorize and recite "Desiderata" in front of our class. I worked hard on memorizing it... and I took it to heart. One of the paragraphs in the said poem goes...

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

I found myself quoting that particular paragraph over and over again when I'm alone. I still do now! That paragraph helped me got on my footings with strength to defeat my enemy- the green-eyed monster. However, the fight didn't end. It continued until I entered college. There were times when I lost, and times when I won the battle.

A youth pastor was sent by the Lord to mentor me spiritually when I was a freshman in college. His main job in my life was to show me and make me understand that I was wonderfully and fearfully created by God... that I am unique, special and different from others! That I was uniquely equipped with skills and talents to fulfill a special purpose in life. Most importantly, he showed me that my identity is found in nowhere but in who I am before my Creator, Savior and Lord! I loved being mentored by that pastor! He ushered me to the only Truth that completely delivered me from jealousy- the Word of God. I especially loved my study with him on the spiritual gifts where I discover not only "who I was" but also "who I was not."

Did my battle against the green-eyed monster end there? No. I am still battling against it? Yes. But, to God be all the glory, I am on the winning side! How? Every time Miss Envy comes to attack me, I remind her that she is powerless over me for the blood of the Lamb delivered me from all unrighteousness and has given me the power to live my life for Him- including recognizing and being thankful of my own blessings and... entering into the successes and blessings of others!

Yummy Sunday

Rainbow cake for my hubby's birthday! I thought I would bake a very colorful cake for him being that he loves colors. I wasn't very satisfied with how my cake turned out but it's fun because he thought it was fantastic. For more yummilicious food, check this out...

Very Special Friend

Tiyeen (the nickname I gave her) was my best and close friend for several years. Although, she called me her mother of faith, I never felt like our relationship was that of a mentor-mentee. Realistically, the feeling was that of best-friends. We parted ways when she graduated from college and left our city for a job in Manila. But even when we were far from each other, we were still the best of friends. We communicated regularly and visited each other often.

She was one of the most helpful persons I've ever known. She had the ability to free herself from her obligations at work to help people in need. I cannot imagine how much she helped me every time I prepared for a trip overseas once I became a career missionary. She was there every time I called her for help. The same amount of support she gave to my little sister and friends. She became the person to call in times of need.

I loved and still love her a lot like I have loved my own sister. She has such a fun personality. We just clicked together... we laugh at the same kind of joke. We both love to sing and dance... and we know what each of us is good at. We even decided that she was a singing dancer and I was the dancing singer. If you know who is good at what! We both enjoyed verbalizing our day-dreams. We talked about our dreams for the future. And guess what? Our dreams came true.

Seven years ago, our friendship started to drift away. Some little misunderstandings and lack of regular communication parted us farther as the years went by. Each of our lives was tested heavily. We both faced big hurdles in life. Separately, we dealt with our challenges by God's help. We both longed for each other's friendship support but we were not there. We prayed for each other, that's for sure. And we thought of each other always when we heard the word "best-friends".

Seven years had passed and I felt that it was time to look for her. When we visited the Philippines recently, I asked our friends about her. One of them gave me her contact info but I unfortunately misplaced the card that had her info... Oh, such a bummer! Arriving home, I googled her name and confirmed that she's in the Middle East. I searched for her in Facebook... lo and behold, she is there!!! I sent her a message straight away. The next day, she replied with all of her contact info. I then gave her a call and we had the first talk on the phone after many years. She told me that she had also been longing to communicate with me for a couple years but couldn't find my contact info. Oh, it was a happy day!

Now, we are the best of friends again! I can't wait for her to visit me and my family here in Minnesota. I just can't wait. We will for sure have all-night chitchats and a combo of laughter and crying. Oh and yes, she is a laughing cry-er and I am a crying laugh-er! LOL!

God is a God is of healing and restoration. He healed and restored our friendship. I can't thank God enough for this blessing!

Temper

At our ladies Bible study at church last week, our subject was Temper. It was such a great reminder to read verses that address anger. There are so many verses in the Bible that command Christians to cease from anger. In this culture where being real with our emotions is encouraged... in this "free" world where showing emotions is okay, it is easy to accept even those emotions that are biblically unacceptable. When God says, "cease from anger!" it is because He knew how anger could go overboard, hurting those around us and hurting our own selves.

The story of Moses blowing up his temper is especially serving as my red flag. If we remember, in his anger he threw the tablets that contained the 10 Commandments that God Himself wrote on them and broke them into pieces. That very scene warns me to be very careful with my hands when I'm angry. What if it's my little girl that I am holding when I give myself to anger? I would hurt her... and eventually realize that I actually hurt myself for hurting my own child. It would be terrible! I would find it hard to even forgive myself. This is really a warning to me because I have a tendency to slam-bang the cupboard doors when I am upset... I know, terrible!

Another story that really got into me regarding temper is Jonah's anger account. In his anger, he spoke death on himself. How easy it is to find the most hurtful words to suffice our anger! I have to remind myself over and over again never to say anything when I am angry. I better shut my mouth up than throwing daggers to those around me with my words.

Last Friday night, I felt like my hormones were out of whack... I was angry for some reason. I was pouting. But then, I prayed for God's power to help me control myself. I told Him I was angry but that I would not want to hurt my precious family in anyway. Then I made a decision to never give in to my temper. I chose to tame myself. I think that for our anger to be harmless, we should pray first of all, then choose to do the right thing... that what pleases God! When God's word says, "cease from anger", He knows that His children are not powerless to be "angry but sin not!"